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Archive for April, 2008

Let’s continue on with the ‘things I just don’t get’ theme of the previous honker post, shall we? 

I really love snow.  I’ve mentioned it enough times here that I I’m stating the obvious, aren’t I?  There does come a time in every snow-lovers year when you are ready to see it go.  It’s like turning a switch on (or off, depending on what side of the snow fence you sit on); one day I’m nagging Hubby to go skiing one last time and the next I’m itching to be in my garden. 

But no matter how badly I want the snow to melt, I will never go to the lengths of one of my co-workers.  I believe you just need to be patient with some things and let them happen naturally.  Her… well, her and her husband have been shovelling snow for the past two weeks. 

“But … It hasn’t even snowed!”, you might say, with a puzzled look on your face. 

And yes, you would be right.  In fact, it hasn’t snowed in weeks.  The snow is mostly gone here but sad piles of melting snowbank remnants are still sticking around. 

Enter:  the snowbank in front of my co-worker’s house.  Yes, this is the snow they have spent the last week shovelling onto the lawn or driveway.  Shovelling the snow for the second time.  Okay, just making sure you got that. 

Now, the reasoning behind this is that spread-out snow will melt faster than if it is in a pile that is several feet high.  Will the snow actually melt faster?  Absolutely it will.  I am not disputing the science behind it.  I would lose. 

What makes me shake my head at this is the fact that someone would willingly shovel snow for the second time.  Wait, let me back up to make sure you understand … I am talking about a woman that complained to me every god damn day of winter about the amount of snow.  Having to drive in it.  Having to shovel it.  Having to watch it fall.  Now that the snow is nearly gone, she complains about having to shovel it for a second time so it melts faster?! 

Here’s another science lesson for the kids out there:  The snow will melt on its own

I also find myself wondering if I should start sharing my list of things to do with her.  How much time do you have on your hands if you’re shoveling a snow bank?!  I would be glad to share my housework.  No?  Laundry?  I could bring my mending into work? 

Sigh.  Some things I am just not meant to understand. 

To her credit (and the discredit of many, many others), she is by no means the only person who uses this snowbank-whittling technique.  And she is retired.  So yeah, if you don’t have a list of things to do that extends across the living room when you’re reitred, then kudos to you. 

But might I suggest Pilates?  Sudoku?  Watercolor?  Photography? 

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I am such a bad blogger!  Nary a word since that little pickle incident (which still rings true, by the way).  I would apologize but that would imply that I think there is a host of people out there that actually care about the random crap that rattles off my keyboard, and … well… I am a little more in touch than that. 

Speaking of pickles, I happen to like the random thought idea so I may start a bit of a series.  They’re quick and not time consuming so very fitting for work.  I’ll try a few more.  We’ll see. 

I will post a picture of the new hobby room on the weekend.  It isn’t purple.  In true Martell style, I got it about 95% done and haven’t been back to it since.  This weekend is going to be a rainy one so it will be calling, “Finish me!  Finish me!”.  Sometimes it’s loud and a little obnoxious so I can’t ignore it. 

For today, I will write about noses.  In particular, those that honk. 

We all know one. 

This particular idea comes to me from a nearby co-worker who seems to either have year-round allergy issues or a cold that has permanently lodged itself in his sinuses.  More than once a day, he starts on these sneezing fits where the sneezees come five or six at a time.  I know what you’re thinking… “That’s impossible!  No one sneezes more than three times in a row!” …well I am here to burst your sneezing bubble and tell you that is simply not true.  I’ve seen it.  I know. 

Here I will only briefly mention that the sneezes themselves are very loud.  All of them.  I’m talkin’ rattle-the-foundation, knee-to-the-groin, rosie-o’donnell-on-uppers loud.  If you don’t see them coming, you would swear the building is falling down around you when they start. 

But that is not the reason for this post. 

In between all of these sneezes, naturally, he blows honks his nose.  Loudly.  Short, blasting honks as he bends his nose from one side to the other, wiping each nostril I suppose.  And then he sneezes again.  Honk.  Honk.  Honk.  Sneeze.  You get the picture.  Sometimes the honking comes without the sneezing and includes longer, lasting blasts.  Just as loud, mind you, but longer than the more common short honks. 

Now, let me make it clear that I’m not making fun.  Everyone has to blow their nose at some point.  I prefer to blow in front of a mirror so no soldiers run amok and sit outside the battle lines where they don’t belong.  I like not having to question whether everything is okay on the nose front.  But I had a high school classmate that would go to the garbage can and blow her nose for a full three minutes… at the front of the class! 

No, I’m not poking fun.  To each their own. 

I think the word I would use to describe my feelings about honkers is ‘wonder’. 

I wonder… how does one even produce that noise using only their nose?  Can he blow his nose without honking or is that just the way it is for him?  Is it genetics?  The shape of his nose?  The way he blows his nose? 

I wonder if my nose will make that noise?  I don’t think it will.  Admittedly, I’ve never sat around trying to honk my nose (and I’m not likely to start including that in my Friday night activities), but I do wonder. 

And then I wonder, were people with honking noses the inspiration for the Honkers on Sesame Street?  Their noses honked when you squeezed them. 

I wonder if he does it for attention.  He is a little that way.  Maybe, as a child who was always seeking attention, he noticed that people looked sideways when a loud noise came out of his nose. 

I don’t know.  It baffles me, really.  It’s not that I want a honking nose.  I don’t.  I’m just curious about the whole thing.  Does anyone out there have a honker?  Can you not honk when you blow or is that just not an option?  I really want to know. 

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Random Thought #1

I’ve never met a pickle I didn’t like. 

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Letter to Hubby

Dear Hubby,

I hope you are having a wonderful time in Montreal this week! 

As you know, I am taking this opportunity to renovate our gym/craft/sewing/storage room.  I have started calling it the Hobby Room or the do-everything-but-eat-sleep-and-pee room. 

You know I enjoy surprising you, Hubby and that is precisely why I am keeping the paint color a secret again. 

Remember coming home to your orange downstairs living room?  Oh Hubby… it will be that much fun! 

Maybe more! 

At the risk of ruining the surprise, I have decided to give you a few clues:

  • It’s the color of a fruit.
  • There is a large beloved children’s figure that is this color.
  • Several signs of spring share this color. 
  • It is a family member’s favorite color. 

… wait. 

Aww hell … I might as well tell you, right?  So what if you know the paint color … the rest of the renovation will still be a surprise, eh?!  There really should not be secrets between man and wife. 

Okay, here goes…

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Ready? 

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Are you anxious?  Nervous?  Heart all-a-flutter? 

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TA DA!!

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Now that‘ll get the juices flowin’ on the treadmill, right Hubby?  I can’t wait for you to see the finished product. 

Love you,

C

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I am kind to TV land.  Really, I am. 

I visit often … TV land gets several hours a week out of me.  I don’t discriminate… the shows that I watch run across several stations and vary from old reruns to game shows to do-it-yourself shows to late night dramas (no, not the bow-chick-a-wow kind).  I am not fickle … once I start a show I rarely click away from it.  And I am loyal… if I miss an episode of my favorite show, I will likely PVR it or download it at some point. 

See?  I am a good friend to TV land. 

So why does TV land punish me with commercials bad enough to turn the stomach?  Did I forget your birthday?  Am I crowding the bed at night? 

I can put up with the countless (actually, there are 1,386,320 of them so yes, they are countable) commercials for skin care products that are graced with 21-year-olds touting an anti-wrinkle cream that they won’t need for another 20 years.  Do you really expect me to believe that her skin looks like that for real? 

But every now and then TV land presents me with a commercial that is just so bad I want to gouge out my eyes with a #2 pencil.  A really dull one. 

The creep-o-meter is so high on this guy, I wouldn’t trust him with my sweat socks let alone my gold jewellery.  And what’s with the dancers?  Talk about being desperate in the acting business.  

Actually, I imagine these are the nieces of Oliver himself:  “Okay, girls… we’re going to dance out this little routine for Uncy Oliver and then we’ll all take turns sitting on his lap and showing him your gold”.

<shudder>

I think the first time I saw this next commercial, I literally watched it with a dropped jaw and a look of disbelief on my face.  You know how they say that it’s human nature to be drawn to something horrific, like a train wreck?  Yeah. 

So they’re on the beach… there are a few mermaids, buddy on the banana that gets stranded on the buoy, and then … what’s that?  A sea monster?  And he raps?  Well, naturally! 

The song is bad and the dance choreography is worse.  I think someone should patent that hands-on-hips move where they rise to their toes… it’s sweet. 

I do realize that I have played right into their hands though… what is the point of a commercial but to grab your attention and get you talking about it? 

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